


Remember Our Youth

by bumbl3b33



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blushing, Coffee Shop, Cute, Fluff, M/M, goshiki drinks coffee with too much sugar, goshiki is a mess, koganegawa has giraffe socks, short and sweet, slight references to homophobia, they have dinner together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bumbl3b33/pseuds/bumbl3b33
Summary: Goshiki thought about their time together in high school for the next few days. He thought about their brushing hands and wide smiles. He thought about the feeling he got, something warm but aching, when he looked at Koganegawa Kanji.Most of all, though, he thought about what would have happened if he had done something, anything. What would’ve happened if he had leaned over and pressed their lips together? Maybe he could’ve done it when they played video games, sitting at the foot of Goshiki’s bed. Maybe he could’ve done it when they sat down in the grass after playing volleyball in the park. There were so many possibilities that he didn’t know the answer to. Although, he knew one thing for sure.Koganegawa had no business showing up and confusing Goshiki all over again.
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 67





	Remember Our Youth

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys :) this might be a SLIGHT AU because I don't actually know if Goshiki is the ace of his professional team lmao. Also, I don't know if they could possibly live next to each other but they do in this because I said so. Anyway, please enjoy because I had fun writing this!

Goshiki had an interesting stroke of luck that morning. He was still trying to figure out if it was good or bad. He had woken up much earlier than he would have liked. His body was too used to his volleyball practice schedule to allow him to sleep in like he so desperately wanted. He tried to stay in bed for longer, but the couple in the apartment next to him decided to have an argument. In the kitchen, the container of coffee was empty (that part was definitely bad luck). After staring angrily at it for a while, his mother called. They participated in a tense conversation that left Goshiki with an odd feeling in his chest. 

The cure for this hollowness and lack of caffeine was to walk down to the cafe a block from his apartment building. He didn’t take his time to dress properly, too hazy without his coffee and lack of sleep to truly realize that his shirt had a stain on the sleeve. He tried to brush down his bangs, but a few chunks stuck up in places. He couldn’t push them back down. Fortunately, he didn’t think he lived close to anyone he knew, so he decided looking a little worse for wear this once wouldn’t do any harm. 

The walk was pleasant. There were hardly any people on the streets, it being too early for the heavy clamor of the city to be out of bed. There was a lightness to the air that cleared the odd ache in Goshiki’s chest. The sky was fading from pink to red as the sun climbed higher into the sky. There was a crispness to the world in a way that led from summer to autumn. 

Goshiki was pleased to see that the flower vendor had set up his booth. The soft petals of the blooms were bleeding orange and vibrant red. He didn’t hover long to look at them. Instead, he stopped to pet a stray cat. It purred before darting into an ally.

The café, a stark contrast to the streets, was already too crowded for Goshiki’s liking. The pastel building was buzzing with early morning customers. His stomach came into contact with elbows as he waited in line behind a short woman holding onto a crying toddler. She ordered an extra four shots of espresso. 

Goshiki ordered his usual iced coffee, one with too much sugar and cream because he couldn’t stand the taste of coffee. He blamed his college volleyball team for getting him hooked on caffeine. When he was out of the line, holding his cup of coffee, he found a place in the back, next to a window and far away from the small, yipping dogs at the entrance. 

With a sigh, he took a deep sip of his coffee. It was pleasantly cold in his mouth, soothing the heat that he had gained from his walk. While he drank his coffee (and studied a playbook of volleyball he brought along with him) he watched the surrounding clamor with vague interest. There was always a diverse sort of crowd that came into cafes while the city raised from their beds. A man with facial hair that resembled a sickly possum, was cutting delicately into his four scones. Two women, attached by their intertwined hands, were giggling to themselves as they showed each other their phones. A father tried to usher his four small sons into a booth, but they were all splitting in different directions. 

Goshiki was thankful for the noise around him. As much as he disliked the crowdedness of the café, there was a certain comfort in the fact that there was an aura of warmth. He flipped the page of his book and read a bit about one-on-one hitting drills. 

When he was about halfway through his coffee, someone bumped his table. Goshiki darted his hand out to catch his tilting cup. When it was stable, he looked up to the perpetrator, ready to give a passive-aggressive look that would convey his unhappiness. He was stopped by familiar brown eyes that never failed to remind Goshiki of honey. 

“Tsutomu!” the man says, his eyes sparkling in excitement. “I didn’t know you lived around here!”

Goshiki found that his heart was stuttering in his chest and his tongue was forgetting words. He looked up at Koganegawa (who Goshiki suspected was still taller-- damn him). He sported the same haircut he had back in high school and his body looked stronger than it had then. There was a confidence in the way he stood that made Goshiki sweat. He really should have changed into a shirt without a stain this morning. 

Koganegawa’s smile was bright as he sat down across from Goshiki, his knees pressed up against the hitter’s. His voice was giddy. “What have you been up to?”

“Not much,” Goshiki said because they were the only words he could think of. 

“Really?” the other man said, clearly disbelieving the statement as he looked over Goshiki. “You look bigger than I remember, are you still playing volleyball?”

Goshiki pulled his shoulders into himself self consciously, even though he was beaming from the praise on the inside. He had, in fact, gotten a lot stronger since he had last seen the other man. 

“Yeah, I’m with the Azuma Pharmacy Green Rockets,” Goshiki said. He took a sip of his coffee to bring his attention away from Koganegawa, who somehow looked even more beautiful than he did in high school. 

“I know the ones!” he said. “That’s so cool, I bet you’re the ace there, too.”

Goshiki shrugged. He was, but he was feeling a lot more conscious about his words than he ever thought he would. “Are you still playing?”

Koganegawa’s grin spread. “You bet! Sendai Frogs!”

Much to his embarrassment, Goshiki snickered at the name. He was hoping he’d have at least a little more tact when talking to someone who looked that good and still made his heart flutter after all these years. Goshiki would’ve liked to appear completely mature and put together in front of the man. 

Koganegawa didn’t appear offended at all. “Laugh all you want, Rockets, we’re really good.”

Goshiki found himself grinning back at him. Koganegawa’s smile glowed. There was a moment of silence between them. Koganegawa still had that ridiculous puff of brown hair sticking up from his thick blonde hair. Somehow, despite Goshiki’s belief that his attraction had evolved since high school, it was hot. It still made his fingers itch to reach up and tug lightly at the lock of hair.

“Alright,” Koganegawa said as he stood up and stretched. Goshiki most definitely didn’t watch his shirt ride up to reveal a slip of tanned, toned skin. “I’ve gotta get going.”

Goshiki stood as well to bid him goodbye. His suspicions were correct, Koganegawa was still taller than him. “It was nice talking to you, Kogane. Goodbye.”

The man’s eyes twinkled. “See you around, Tsutomu.”

Goshiki gave him a soft smile. Koganegawa seemed to ponder something for a moment before offering a smile himself. He left the dark-haired ace at the edge of the table as he moved through the cafe. 

“See you,” Goshiki said as Koganegawa pushed through the doors and into the street. 

  
  


Goshiki was restless for the rest of the day. His brain was having trouble focusing on the television in front of him, always circling back to the bright-eyed man he’d seen for the first time since high school. 

It was unfair how he was still undeniably attracted to Koganegawa. His short, blond hair, with that stupid little tuft of brown, still made Goshiki want to hold him against his chest. His lips were the same peachy, pink color they were in high school. If he kissed them, he would taste sugar and gold. And he was tall-- why was he so tall? It was a point of debate in Goshiki’s head. On one hand, he was attracted to the strong legs and back that made up all 193 centimeters of him. On the other hand, Goshiki was resentful he never made up the height difference between them. 

It had taken him a long time in his teenage years to label what exactly his feelings were for the setter. They had met at the training camp in their first year. At first, Goshiki was annoyed with the constant talking and movement from the boy, but eventually, the annoyance stemmed into something that caused a crisis. Goshiki wasn’t sure when exactly his annoyance evolved into a crush that made his hands sweat and his heart pound, but it did. 

They were close up until the end of high school. Koganegawa, always the eager person, had demanded Goshiki’s phone number after the camp. Goshiki, a bit of a mess from his growing crush, obliged, even if somewhat unwillingly. From there, the two boys texted once a week, to twice a week, and eventually multiple times every day. With this, came an onslaught of blushing and giddiness and anxiety and fear. 

Not only was Koganegawa so hot it made Goshiki’s blood boil, but he was kind and funny as well. Goshiki’s cheeks still warmed thinking about all the times the other man had praised him while they were teenagers. He made stupid jokes and sent Goshiki pictures of things that reminded him of the ace (a purple flower, a bucket painted with an angry-looking bird, the sunset). 

His mother had constantly asked what his smiles and blushes were for. 

_A girlfriend, ‘Tomu?_ she would tease and pinch his cheeks. _Bring her over, I bet she’s beautiful if she’s got you blushing like that._

It was not a girlfriend. He had never particularly noticed girls. They were in his classes and walking down the street, but he never found his eyes wandering to them. For a while, he thought he had just maintained the mindset of _cooties_ and all he was waiting for was to grow out of it. But then there were the broad shoulders of his volleyball team and the deep, rumbling voices of boys growing into themselves. For a long time, he was waiting for the appeal of a girlfriend to arrive. They had short skirts and pretty faces, but Goshiki found himself thinking about boys with their soft lips and strong arms.

In third year, Goshiki realized it would never be a girlfriend. 

  
  


_There were not many times in the season where Goshiki had an afternoon off. His whole life was filled with volleyball. On days when he did get a break, he’d head down to Koganegawa’s house, which took two different buses and an hour to get there. This Saturday night was no different from his other free days._

_“Okay, okay,” Koganegawa was saying, “would you rather wear a skirt to school or scream every time you touched a volleyball?”_

_“Every time? Even if I was just putting it back in the bin?” Goshiki asked._

_He was laying on his back, his knees hanging over the setter’s bed. Koganegawa was next to him. Goshiki was trying his best to ignore how their arms were pressed together._

_“Yeah, every time,” Koganegawa said. “Like, if you got up to touch one now, you’d put your hand on it and then-- GYAHHH!”_

_The sound that came out of the blond’s mouth was too ridiculous not to laugh at. Koganegawa looked extremely pleased with himself as he watched Goshiki giggle._

_“Since I play volleyball and touch the ball constantly,” Goshiki determined, “and the screaming is going to sound like that every time, I guess I’ll wear the skirt.”_

_Koganegawa nodded. “That’s a good decision. You have the legs for it.”_

_Both of them looked down at Goshiki’s thighs._

_“Maybe, if I chose the screaming option, it’d be like my super-cool-volleyball-catch-phrase,” Koganegawa said. His head was resting a little bit closer to Goshiki’s than it had been before._

_“I don’t think people will think it’s ‘super cool’ if it happens every time,” Goshiki told him._

_Koganegawa huffed. “You’d still support me, right? If I screamed every time I touched a ball?”_

_The setter’s bright eyes were focused on the side of Goshiki’s face._

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_There were four more would-you-rather questions before they circled around to the topic of girls. Goshiki had been avoiding it all night._

_“So, Tsutomu,” Koganegawa said in a way that incited trouble, “any pretty girls at your school?”_

_Goshiki shrugged, forgetting their position on the bed. The boys’ shoulders bumped._

_Koganegawa sat up and leaned his face over the dark-haired boy. “No one? No girlfriend that you’re not telling me about?”_

_Goshiki sat up as well, prompting Koganegawa to lean back. He was blushing, but he did that often around the setter._

_“No. There’s no one.”_

_“But you’re so hot!” Koganegawa exclaimed with a wave of his arms. “Girls are probably falling for you every day!”_

_If it was possible, his cheeks turned a deeper shade of red. He could feel the blood rushing through his face, making him a little lightheaded to match the unsteady beating of his heart. Koganegawa always said things like that and Goshiki was sure he had no idea what kind of effect the words had on him. There were some girls who carried letters to him after class, but they were never the person he wanted them to be. They lacked everything he looked for and everything Koganegawa was._

_It was frustrating. His team talked about long hair and soft legs. Goshiki couldn’t help but always compare the soft edges of girls to the sharpness of boys. There were skirts, but Goshiki never found himself dreaming about what was under them. Unless he imagined Koganegawa wearing one._

_Goshiki knew he had a crush on his friend; one that made him blush and stutter and hope._

_Koganegawa was still watching him when Goshiki remembered where he was._

_“Sure, ‘Tsutomu,” the setter mocked, “no one,_ _my ass!”_

_Instead of confronting his feelings, Goshiki settled for a light shove of Koganegawa’s shoulders, effectively making the other boy fall off the bed._

  
  


Goshiki thought about their time together in high school for the next few days. He thought about their brushing hands and wide smiles. He thought about the feeling he got, something warm but aching, when he looked at the blond setter.

Most of all, though, he thought about what would have happened if he had done something, _anything._ What would’ve happened if he had leaned over and pressed their lips together? Maybe he could’ve done it when they played video games, sitting at the foot of Goshiki’s bed. Maybe he could’ve done it when they sat down in the grass after playing volleyball in the park. There were so many possibilities that he didn’t know the answer to. Although, he knew one thing for sure.

Koganegawa had no business showing up and confusing Goshiki all over again. 

  
  


It took two weeks for Goshiki to see Koganegawa again. The ace had gone out to the store around dinnertime, hoping to grab the noodles he needed so he could eat as soon as possible. Once the noodles had been purchased, Goshiki walked back to his apartment, the box held tightly under his jacket to protect it from the rain. 

He had not anticipated the rain to come so soon when he had first looked out the window to check the weather. He had been hoping to go and come back before any water fell from the sky. Fortunately, it was only a light sprinkle at the moment so he didn’t have a problem walking. He knew from the increasing size of the drops that it would be storming in just a few minutes.

Goshiki picked up his steps, trying to walk quickly down the sidewalk. He wouldn’t have seen the blond man standing outside a building if not for the bright green jacket he was wearing. The color drew Goshiki’s eyes. Koganegawa was standing with his arms crossed close to the building, trying to shield himself from the rain. 

Goshiki, against his rumbling stomach, approached the man.

“Kogane?” his voice made Koganegawa’s face turn towards him. “Are you alright?”

His lips turned up in a bright smile. “Tsutomu, what are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same,” Goshiki said, eyeing the way his blonde hair had turned dark. 

“Oh,” he looked up at the building. “I forgot my keys this morning and my roommate isn’t picking up his phone to let me in.”

Goshiki frowned. “So, you’re stuck out here?”

Koganegawa hummed. “Seems so.”

“Do you want to come to my apartment?” Goshiki said before he could think. 

With the way Koganegawa’s eyes widened, Goshiki knew he had said something that was graceless. His heart was so stupid sometimes. It made his brain lag. 

“I mean,” Goshiki said as he fiddled with the box of noodles, “so you don’t have to stay out here. Just until the rain ends or your roommate calls you back.”

“I’d love to! Thanks, Tsutomu!”

Goshiki wished his body would pull it together. There was nothing special about his name, but the sound of it coming from Koganegawa’s mouth made his knees weak and his lips tingle. He licked them subconsciously, not noting the way the blond’s eyes followed the movement. 

“Okay,” Goshiki said because he had nothing else to. “Right this way, then.”

Koganegawa looked incredibly amused with the odd words coming from Goshiki’s lips. He said nothing about it as they walked down the street. Goshiki wondered if walking had always felt so unnatural as it did now. The body heat radiating off the man next to him urged him to lean in, but Goshiki remained firm and continued straight. 

When they reached his apartment, Goshiki led Koganegawa up the stairs and to his door. He fumbled with the keys (had his hands always been this shaky?) before unlocking the door. Goshiki slipped off his shoes and the man behind him copied his actions. Koganegawa’s socks had giraffes on them. 

“Make yourself, uh, comfortable,” Goshiki said.

Koganegawa nodded and ventured into the living room. Goshiki escaped to the kitchen as subtly as he could. Once he had placed the noodles down, he gripped the counters. The skin over his knuckles strained, turning white with effort. It did nothing to ease the thumping of his heart and the panic racing through his head. 

Goshiki could hear Koganegawa shuffling around the living room. He was suddenly reminded that he hadn’t cleaned up all week, too busy with practice and sleep. He probably had dirty socks laying on the floor and sweaty clothing draped over the chairs. 

Goshiki took a few calming breaths before stepping out into the living room. Thankfully, he couldn’t see any socks on the floor and there was only one dirty shirt hanging over the couch. 

“I’m making dinner,” Goshiki said. 

Koganegawa blinked at him. His words must have sounded too blunt. Why couldn’t Goshiki act like a normal person? All he had was a man, an incredibly beautiful one, standing in his living room. There was no need to panic. Except he was. He was panicking big time. 

“Do you, um, want some?” Goshiki added. 

“Sure, thank you!” Koganegawa beamed. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I dropped my lunch on my way to work and this bird swooped in. It was crazy!”

Goshiki laughed. He had forgotten how the blond seemed to settle into any situation. Goshiki wondered if he could ever be so at ease in someone else’s house. 

“Do you want help?” Koganegawa asked. 

“That would be great,” Goshiki said before thinking that he sounded too eager. “If you want to, of course.”

He was blushing. One would think after all these years of blushing he’d be able to push it down by now, but no. His cheeks were standing bright red, right in front of Koganegawa’s face. 

Koganegawa followed him into the kitchen. Goshiki got to work quickly in an effort to distract himself from how tall the man looked in his apartment. He ordered Koganegawa around, directing him to the correct drawers and cabinets as they got to work. 

Despite his best efforts, Goshiki found his eyes wandering. There was something domestic about the way Koganegawa chopped carrots that made his heart warm. Not to mention how strong his fingers looked and how well-defined the muscle was in his arms. 

Goshiki always turned away when he found himself admiring the man, feeling a little hotter than he did seconds ago. It was suffocating in the kitchen, knowing just how close Koganegawa was, but also knowing just how far. There was no physical force stopping Goshiki from reaching up and running his hands through Koganegawa’s hair. He would never do it, though, there were too many things at risk, one being his dignity. 

Making dinner went faster than usual with the help of the blond man. He was surprisingly adept at chopping vegetables. They loaded their bowls and Goshiki led them to the living room. He almost always ate there, the small, dining room table being barely big enough to fit just him. He had a sinking feeling of what Koganegawa felt about this. Did Goshiki come off as a slob? He sure hoped not. 

After a _thank you for the food,_ the men got to eating. Goshiki was conscious of how fast he was eating. He wanted to shove the soba noodles into his mouth to soothe his hungry stomach, but he didn’t want to appear wild in front of Koganegawa. 

“You know,” Koganegawa started as he mixed the noodles around with his chopsticks, “I had the biggest crush on you in high school.”

Goshiki almost choked. “You… did?”

There was a brush of pink on his cheeks. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean to make this weird. I was just trying to start a conversation.”

“No!” Goshiki protested immediately. Koganegawa's eyes widened at the outburst. “I mean, it’s okay, really. I don’t mind.”

If Goshiki’s heart had been pounding before, it was trying to rip its way out of his chest now. He knew his face was bright red. Koganegawa, the gorgeously hot setter, had a crush on _him?_

“But, uh, why me?” Goshiki asked and then hated himself for it. 

He had always been obsessed with praise, even now. When he was younger, he had gotten it inside his head that no one actually liked him, so hearing other people congratulate him and tell him he did a good job made him happy. He also thought he always came off as needy, obsessing over the need to please others. 

“You didn’t know?” Koganegawa asked, genuinely confused, before he laughed. “I thought I made it so obvious. I flirted with you _all_ the time.”

Goshiki opened his mouth and then closed it again. Now that he thought about it, all of the compliments he got from Koganegawa during high school _did_ sound flirty now that he thought about it. It had done cruel things to his heart back then, the words dangling just above him. He wondered what would have happened if he had acted on his crush. 

“You were funny, smart, really talented,” he said, “and really, really cute.”

Goshiki wanted to press his lips against Koganegawa’s. Instead, he settled for taking another bite of his dinner. For some time, when he had first come out to his parents, he regretted it. He had ached about the point of it. It would’ve been so much easier to stay quiet and to let his mother plan his wedding and gush about the daughters of her friends. But maybe, now knowing that his feelings in high school had been requited, it had all turned out how it was supposed to. 

Goshiki pushed the noodles around his bowl bashfully. “I had a crush on you, too.”

Koganegawa’s smile was wide. “Wow! And we never did anything about it, huh? What a waste!”

Goshiki nodded in agreement. On some level, though, he was glad they never did. It would have sparked a conversation with his parents that he knew wouldn’t be taken as well while he lived in their house. 

They fell into a silence, as if not sure how to proceed. 

“Tsutomu,” Goshiki looked up at the sound of the man’s voice, “are you out?”

He nodded. “Since my first year of college.”

Koganegawa nodded. “I came out third year, just before we all left.”

Goshiki hadn’t known. 

“My mom gave me a flag, which was a little embarrassing, but I was glad she accepted me,” Koganegawa said. He drummed his fingers against the table as if trying to release some nervous energy. Goshiki was glad that Koganegawa’s parents had been supportive. He deserved to be loved by everyone around him.

Goshiki was glad Koganegawa didn’t ask about his parents. 

They finished dinner with a more relaxed presence. It was not as tense as it had been before, both of them being a little unsure of themselves. However, Goshiki was still thinking about Koganegawa’s confession. He had a crush on Goshiki in high school. Goshiki: a bowl cut, an obsessive need for validation, and an annoying laugh. Koganegawa: tall, extremely beautiful, and hilarious. Goshiki had never been all that great at math, but he knew it didn’t add up. 

The rain had stopped by the time they had finished cleaning their dishes. Goshiki dried his bowl as he looked out into the living room. Koganegawa was leaning against the wall and looking out the window, an absent gleam in his eyes. 

Goshiki dried the bowl thoroughly and slowly to draw out the time until the other man had to leave. He might’ve just been desperate, but he wanted Koganegawa to stay. Goshiki didn’t get a lot of visitors at his apartment, so it was nice to know someone else was there with him. 

Goshiki slipped away to put the bowl in the cabinet. When he reentered the living room, Koganegawa had his phone pressed to his ear, a teasing smile on his face. The ace pretended to not hear the setter tease his roommate about the girl he brought home. Koganegawa’s eyes stayed on Goshiki for the entire call. 

“I should be heading back, I have practice in the morning,” he said after he hung up. “Thanks for dinner, Tsutomu, it was really good.”

Goshiki nodded. “Thanks for joining me.”

He followed Koganegawa to the door. Goshiki blamed loneliness for the way his body reacted to the setter’s shoulders. 

Koganegawa slipped on his shoes. Goshiki thought it was much too hot in his apartment to accommodate the sight of the setter bending over. 

“I’ll see you around,” Koganegawa said. 

“I’ll see you around, Kogane,” Goshiki said. 

With that, the blond man was turning around and resting his hand on the doorknob. Goshiki was going to break down the moment the door closed behind the man. For a long time, he could pretend that he hadn’t actually felt anything for the other man in high school. In some ways, it made him forget about the situation with his parents. Up until then, he could pretend like the uncomfortable tenseness surrounding them was due to distance and not anything else. Of course, that was entirely false. Life would’ve been a lot easier for him if he was attracted to women. However, when he looks at the man in front of him, he can’t imagine being attracted to anything other than Koganegawa Kanji. 

“I don’t want to waste this moment!” Koganegawa suddenly declared.

“Huh?” Goshiki asked stupidly. 

The blond man turned to him, his teeth gleaming in the low light. “Do you want to go out with me? I’ll take you to dinner. We’ll have all the fun we missed out on in high school and maybe a little more.”

Goshiki wondered if Koganegawa knew what kind of innuendo he was making with the last part. 

There was a traitorous string of hope rising in Goshiki’s body. The man wanted to go on a date with _him_. Maybe all of it wasn’t a waste if this is where they had been headed. Goshiki would suffer through coming out and being alone in the city if it meant that he would eventually meet Koganegawa again. Goshiki took a steadying breath, willing himself not to grin too brightly.

“Sure, I’d like that.”

  
  



End file.
